He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
