Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
