And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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