I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
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