I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He felt like a one man threesome
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
