i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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