It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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