So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
