i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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