if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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