Dual....:-)
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
