Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize