remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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