Already got asked if we're dating
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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