my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
