It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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