I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
