i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
