you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
