So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
