So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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