So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
