I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
