our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
