If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
