last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
