Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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