We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
