the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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