How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
