Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wear drunk well.
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