You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
there is glitter all over my balls
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
