You're so nebulous sometimes
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
