So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
