I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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