Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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