Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
