remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
