my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
