Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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