Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
