Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
