I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
