At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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