She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
