my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Found your dick twin last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
