Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
