I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
