I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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