there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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