His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize