I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
