I want to have your abortion
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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