i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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