He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
