My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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