My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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