Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
