i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i came on her dog
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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