there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You made out with two different species that night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
