me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
