goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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