not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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