No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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