Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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