two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
