he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
