hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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