I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
