Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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