dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
