Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
