you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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